what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
