I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
