just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
