So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
