if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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