how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
