Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
