Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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