Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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