My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
