Jerry, you need to find god
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
