I just threw up on my dentist
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
