I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
