i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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