I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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