smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
