ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
