I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
