Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
