Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
