You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
