i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
