whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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