you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
