I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
