the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You may now shotgun with the bride
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
