I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everclear isn't food dammit
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
