So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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