my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
