Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
