whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
