just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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