she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
