He is an equal opportunity slut.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
