Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm really busy with my period
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