I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
