u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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