if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
vagina is talking i cant
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
