I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
