Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
