Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
