He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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