is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
