So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
