how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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