How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
