can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
