shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
