I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
