I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
