I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
